differences

i've been reading lots of different opinions on things lately. every wednesday, this blog post different discussion questions, and i find it really interesting to read through some of the responses. i also came across this discussion on one of my favorite blogs, and had to check back many times throughout the day to see what others thought. it's just been the last few years or so that i am beginning to appreciate how we all do things differently. now, don't get me wrong, i sometimes have very strong opinions on things, but i also am learning to understand that other's might think differently.

when i first started teaching (yes, 3 days after i married dave), i worked with 12 other women! our first grade team was HUGE because we were combined until our new school was finished. we had weekly meetings together, and it was ugly. 3 of us were 1st year teachers, another group had been teaching for 3-5 years, some of them for 10 years, and even some with more than 15 years of experience. we could not agree on how anything was going to go, and just ended up arguing. i hated it. it was a miserable work environment! add this to a very UN SUPPORTIVE assistant principle, and i was ready to quit by October. seriously. it drastically improved when our new school was done, and 5 of us were able to leave. i found my mentor, really enjoyed my last few months teaching, and was torn between deciding to stay at home with my yet-to-be-born baby and giving it another shot. i think i got off track with that story..... i bring this situation up because, i learned many valuable life skills that year. i learned that everyone has reasons for the way they think. as teachers, we had different approaches because of experiences we had had or things we had learned. by the end of the year, were all of our 1st graders at the same place in their education? probably not. was any harm done? probably not. my mentor taught me to just smile sometimes, and do things the way you want.

this is also true as parents. we all have different expectations for our children. we all value different things to a different level. while someone might insist that their child do something, another might shrug it off if it doesn't work out. someone might have decided long ago what their kids will and will not do or be exposed to, while others of us are deciding many things as we go along. but who's right? is it going to 'ruin' your child's future if they don't learn their ABC's before kindergarten? no. is it going to hurt them if they watch 3 hours of PBS each morning? no. what about spongebob? really, i don't like the guy, but i don't think he'll do too much harm. are there some things that are black and white? of course. carseats/seatbelts- always. wash hands after using the bathroom- every time. in my modest opinion, i value consistence, but i also value knowing your kid. if your kid is totally 'go-with-the-flow', consistency is not as essential as it is for a kid that thrives on it. can you label a one-year-old as naughty? i don't think so. sneaky, maybe, but not naughty. if you think your kid is naughty- fix it. ask for help or watch other parents. i have learned leaps and bounds by watching other parents over the years. i have watched kids grow up with very lax parents, and many of those kids have turned out fine. but were those middle years rough? probably! could different choices along the way have made life easier for everyone involved- Absolutely!

what i've figured out, is that we all do things differently; look at the different ways that we spend money. some of us like new cars, while others choose to save by buying used. others inherit clunkers and drive them into the ground. some of us love to travel and were suckers for the timeshare presentation, and don't regret it. other's wouldn't imagine spending that amount of money on a luxury. some people want a big home, the latest electronics, new clothes, and cable tv, while others make different choices. some of us don't clip coupons, and occasionally pay retail for things. you see where i'm going? it's so easy to point fingers, but really, it doesn't solve anything or make you feel better.

okay, so what's my point? i think as a mom, it's so easy to judge others. 'so and so's kid is naughty and they don't do anything about it!' or 'can you believe that they actually blogged about THAT?!' or 'i'll never let my kids get that outta hand'. it's just not necessary. it stresses me out a little to worry about what my kids will be like when they are school aged, or heaven help me, teenagers, but i'm going to try and stop worrying. and i'm going to give all moms the benefit of the doubt. that's it- that's my point. give mom's a break sometimes! it's a really hard job, and no matter how good I or you think your doing, someone else could be doing it well in their own way too. differences make things interesting. how boring would it be if we all did things exactly the same?