i have a question to pose to other moms out there. moms with kids that are too big to sit in the cart all the time.
the other day at target, i was scolded by a woman that told me i needed to keep my children closer to me. after i thanked her for her concern, she continued to go on and on about how easy it would be for someone to kidnap them. yikes! that is not a thought i want to think about.
my question is regarding proximity. how close do you keep your kids? this particular day at target, jenna was less than 10 yards from me. i could see her and hear her, and lately she is really good at listening and coming to me once i call. for me, it’s an equation that i instantly and am constantly assessing in my head. the equation includes many factors, including: location, crowd size, others types of people that are around, my state of mind, my child's current temperament, time of day…etc. in a place like target, when it is barely busy, and the other shoppers that are there are other parents with little kids, i am fairly comfortable giving her a little extra freedom, within boundaries of course. the boundaries being about 10 yards, and normally within eye shot, and if not, i am always able to hear her close by. when i don’t hear her, i call out and she response (for example, i am flipping through a rack of clothes and she is playing with a toy on a nearby shelf).
i guess i just wonder if i’m too lax, and care-free. i will admit to being one that does not live her life in fear. in my mind, kids could be kidnapped anywhere. the main word for me is COULD. yes, terrible things could happen, but they could happen at anytime. don’t think this means that i think no precautions should be taken, that’s not what i’m saying. do you get what i’m saying? am i making any sense?
so that’s my question to each of you. what are your rules of proximity, or what do you envision them being when you have more than one little one (when you become outnumbered)?
** http://alittlebitofkooky.blogspot.com/2010/10/no-need-for-perfection.html **
Love this link! Just saw it and thought it added a little to what I'm trying to say...
12 comments:
there are too many weirdo's out there. i DO NOT AGREE with the fact this lady was telling you what to do with your kids. i see parents do things everyday that i think are not appropiate but unless the kid is in REAL immediate danger i never say a word.
However, i am realizing there are more and more freaky people who go just about anywhere to get what they want. I keep Ava right next to be or about a few steps away, but that is just me. Everyone is different.
Like you, for us it really depends on the situation. I am more lax with Haylie who is 3.5 and pretty strict with Ashtyn who is 2. I can't say a specific distance but I have to be able to run to them within a couple seconds usually because they are touching something (like random produce) that they shouldn't be. I hate when people feel the need to tell you what to do. I go shopping with my babies when they are little, I let Haylie walk a little bit away from me and if they are naughty they still get in trouble... even if it means laying down in the shopping cart. You are a good mama and you know your girl. Your awareness of the situation is more important than proximity. Some parent's pay no attention with their kids right there...
I obviously do not have experience in this arena, and I've never even spent much time with older toddlers/little kids to know how responsible they are in these situations (as in, responsible enough to not run off as soon as I've turned my head, etc.). What I ENVISION, though, is allowing the child to be no farther away than the length of an aisle, and always within my line of sight. Yes, I'd probably turn my head to look at a rack of clothes, but I'd want the child to be visible without me having to move - on the other side of the rack wouldn't be good. But, yeah, all of that may change as soon as I am experiencing it myself. Either way, I think that lady is crazy for going off on you. All we can do as mothers is what feels right to us. I wish I could undo that situation for you.
This is a hard one because there are so many factors like you mentioned, but with Brian- he usually has to stay on the same isle as me and always within eyeshot. On the occasion that he's gone too far, something has happened to remind me that he has to stay very close. example...we went to Burlington last week and he and a buddy were playing in a nearby clothes rack and the WHOLE thing came crashing down, clothes everywhere. not good. So yeah, he is close to me or in the cart.
By the way, I love the title of your blog. That talk by Elder Worthlin is also one of my favorites! :) Your blog looks really cute.
I'm like you. It depends on a bajllion things. I usually like to have her in sight, or at least a distance that i can run in a few seconds. I know when I can trust her to come back to me, and I have totally let her go and grab something like a book if she promises to run right back. And then there are days where I force her to ride in the back of the cart. I don't know exactly where the line is for proximity if there even is one, but I DO draw the line at scolding another mom. Uncool.
People usually mean well, but it still drives me crazy! This lady obviously doesn't know anything about you - you're a very attentive mother. I find it sad that good moms like you get reprimanded in a store by strangers and moms who yell, swear, and spank their children in public are ignored. Grrr.
Hey thanks for stopping by and linking me! And as far as shopping, as long as I can SEE my kids in the same isle as I am, I am fine. I like them to be pretty close to the cart and after hearing freaky things about horrific incidents that happens to kids in stores, I'm paranoid! Isn't it awesome when other women help you parent though? grrr!
I like how you said it's an "equation in your head." depends on lots of different factors and I'm sure you were being the typical responsible, good mom that you are when you were shopping that day :)
I hate other random people trying to give me advice - especially girls at church that only have 1 baby that is younger then Ammon, don't give me advice unless I ask for it.
That being said - I don't let Rose walk away at all, she is almost 10 and I still make her hold onto the basket or hold my hand. I am paranoid and I am terrified she will go missing or I won't be able to find her, either way I am just saving myself a panic attack. If you're ok with letting Jenna play, let her play....
Hi popped over from MMB. I have a 2 year old, he is just beinging to want to be outside the cart, so we usually keep him within an arms lenght because he really doesn't know how to follow directions. As for kids getting kidnapped, the statistics are in your favor. Your kids are more likely to be kidnapped by someone they know than by a stranger. I wouldn't worry about what that lady said to you in the store.
#1- As amazing a mom as you are and ever could be, you will not please all the people all the time. Somebody somewhere will tell you that you are doing it wrong. What I'm trying to learn is not to answer back sarcastically.
#2- Each equation will be different for different kids. R had a VERY short leash. L had a longer one, because all of her brothers and sister kept a closer eye on her than I did. I'm completely OK with the fact that I'm not "fair."
#3- The sad fact is that if harm were to come to a child, statistically speaking that harm would be at the hands of someone who knew her. The chance of J being snatched in Target by a stranger is MUCH smaller than her being hit in a car accident driven by her mother or father, who love her. But you're not going to stop driving her places, right? Good luck telling that to nosey busy-bodies.
You're a good, loving mother. Don't let anyone every make you think otherwise.
I'm like you. When I go shopping with my kids I find that things go a lot smoother by letting them explore and "help" put items in the cart rather than being confined to the cart. Angela, who's 6, I don't worry about as much as I do with Justin, who's 2. But they're always together and they always stick together playing with things on the aisle or whatnot. So that is some added comfort since Angie tends to be pretty responsible and keeps an eye on her brother. But they are always in eye and ear shot. I agree with what has been said previously; recent statistics show that kidnappings and molestings and other tragic things of that nature usually happen by someone who knows the children. Totally sad, but true! I see nothing wrong with your situation at target other than that nosy lady having too much to say! =)
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