It came up the other day while I was visiting teaching. The sister I teach just had her second child, following 2 unsuccessful IVF cycles. She teaches a sister with a 4-year-old that has been struggling with different fertility issues for the last 2+ year. We have close friends that have miscarried, and other friends that had to wait nearly 2 years for a positive pregnancy test. Another friend told me recently that her sister was just told that her and her husband cannot have children. I cannot figure it out. Has infertility always been as prevalent as it is now, or is it just because we are currently in this stage of life? Or is it one of those things that is a result of a zillion different variable that all seem to collide at the exact time and phase of the moon? Weird, but could be the case.
I understand that we all have our trails to work through and learn from, but I just don’t understand the lengths to which some must deal with this particular trail. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan. I also know that he loves each of us. This is just going to be my first question when I return home to him… but in the meantime, we will keep praying for our loved ones to be blessed with more children and kissing our two healthy children.
10 comments:
My best buddy struggled for years with infertility. I would feel guilty when I told her that I was again pregnant. I think you are just at the stage when you became aware because I felt the same way you did 10 years ago. I agree that I will ask Heavenly Father those questions, as well as questions about mental illness. I won't ask in a "What were you thinking?!" way, but in a humble "I don't understand how this fits into your Plan" way. Makes you count your blessings, doesn't it?
It's definately one of my top 3 questions to ask Him when I get the chance. I certainly never thought we'd have issues, but infertility apparently is no respector of persons. It makes me sad when I hear Karen and others say they feel guilty telling people struggling with infertility that they are pregnant. I can still be happy for good families who are blessed with more children even when that blessing seems to be eluding us for now. (especially family - I'm always ecstatic to have new nieces and nephews!)
I always said that not being able to have kids would be a HARD thing to deal with. I have to agree. I don't understand. Someday, we will. For now, I just pray for faith to keep going and not let fear get in the way.
I'm sure it's definitely a case of us being in that stage of life and thus being more aware of it. (And probably more in-the-know too - I'm sure that even if I would have cared at 15, not many sisters in the ward were interested in discussing their fertility issues with me. Now it comes up at RS functions.)
I do have a theory (baseless as it may be), though, that infertility is becoming at least somewhat more common because of the lack of "natural selection." There are a fair number of people that would be infertile, but because of scientific advancements, can half children with significant medical intervention. I would bet that a percentage of these parents are passing on/have passed on fertility troubles to their children, whereas in generations past, they wouldn't have had children at all and the "cycle" of infertility would have stopped with them. Just a thought.
*have* not half (although that does make for a funnier sentence)
I totally know what you're talking about. It seems like it's everywhere and so many that I'm close who have struggled with it. My heart aches for those women and I agree that I will be asking Heavenly Father those same questions because it doesn't always seem fair. At the same time my brother and sister-in-law announced they were adopting (almost 3 years ago) after being told they had less than 1% chance of having a baby, Steve's single sister got pregnant with her ex boyfriend the first and only time they had sex, so frustrating sometimes! But I know Heavenly Father takes care of his children.
Sorry that was long!
Here's my theory. I know this isn't the case for everyone, and there are a lot of young people struggling, but I think some of it has to do with the fact that a lot of people wait longer to start a family than they used to. 18 was once a standard marriage age, and there wasn't a lot of birth control postponing things. And now a lot of people would rather finish school or have a career first, wait until they are financially set, etc. Age does have a significant bearing for many people. And I agree that we hear more because we are adults now.
I don't know. I mean, really, if life were fair, that would defeat the purpose. I do feel for these gals, though, for sure. There are several families in my ward that have lots of adopted kids because life just didn't go as planned, and to think how these kids would be living had the parents NOT gone through that trial makes me realize that although I don't quite get it all, it happens for a reason. So many questions to ask on the other side, I can't even keep track of them all!
My sister in law is 24 has been married for 3 years and has been trying to get pregnant for over a year before finding out that neither her nor her husband have the ability to have children.
It has nothing to do with age, some people just get crapped on.
I thank the Lord every day for my one baby because I would rather have just one then never knowing what it felt like to be a mother.
Oh and my terd of a husband can knock up his girlfriend after 4 months of dating and have a child at 20.
Life isn't fair, I think the Lord gives everyone there trials and only some people have a strong enough love and desire to be able to adopt and love a child.
Sorry for the rant, it's still a little too close to home right now.
Wow, this is a deep one. Think about this though, if every husband and wife got pregnant exactly as they wished and lived happily ever after, who would adopt all the babies that are born to the fifteen year olds (at least those teenagers that chose to self-lessly give those babies up for adoption). I don't have all the answers but I have received answers in my own life when we struggled and now I have two beautiful boys! I learned so much from our trials and I wouldn't want to take it all away! My heart goes out to every woman especially on "Mother's Day" because I know what it feels like to want a baby so badly and it seems like it's never going to happen. So keep praying for those whose hearts ache for a baby of their own and give a hug to a woman you see crying on "Mother's Day" in church. Pay attention because they are there and they don't feel like they are part of the "club". Very thought provoking post:)
I agree with quite a bit that's been said on here. And there's not much else I could add that hasn't been said. It surely is one of those things that just doesn't seem at all fair. I have dealt with this issue from several different angles and with several different individuals.
One thing I feel prompted to add is that I was one of those stupid, rebellious teenagers that needed a good, hard, kick-in-the-butt. I easily and quickly got pregnant after a string of stupid, STUPID choices. And although I still and will always stand by my feelings that this *fertility* issue is definitely unfair, I have to honestly say that me getting *knocked up* was the BEST thing that could have EVER happened to me. Lying there in that hospital bed, holding my precious, fresh-from-God newborn daughter, my very soul ached and quivered at the thought of all the crappy choices I had made. I knew, then and there, that I was going to start making changes for the good, and never EVER look back. I changed, inside and out, the instant I held my baby girl for the first time. And, still to this day, I am a far better person than I could have ever hoped to be without her and without that dramatic experience at such a young age.
Sadly, most girls don't have the same experience I did. Tragically, the majority doesn't change after giving birth. I wish they did. But I don't believe that innocent children SHOULD be used as a *learning experience* either. It's a sad, frustrating situation. But maybe God sends tiny, precious souls in the HOPES that they will change someone's life. Whether it be that of their biological parents, or perhaps that of adoptive ones. Everything happens for a reason. I know that doesn't always make it easier to bear, but it is the truth. It may just be something we won't be able to comprehend/understand until we get to the other side.
Either way, my heart and a humble prayer goes out to all those who struggle to conceive. And I pray that I never have to experience that struggle. Nevertheless, not my will be done, but His....
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